{"id":122,"date":"2015-05-03T20:56:23","date_gmt":"2015-05-03T10:56:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=122"},"modified":"2015-05-03T21:00:40","modified_gmt":"2015-05-03T11:00:40","slug":"growing-self-directed-kids","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=122","title":{"rendered":"Growing Self-Directed Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><b>Info based on content from the <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">BOOK<\/span>: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\">A Chicken&#8217;s Guide to Talking Turkey with your Kids about Sex\u00a0<\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: black;\">Chapter 3 (<\/span>Leman\/Bell)<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Many parents get so busy during the years of puberty (8-14y.o. &amp; Upper Primary years), that they consequently <b>pull back from involvement<\/b> with their kids, only to discover that when they notice scary behaviour in their kids during adolescence, that they suddenly &amp; frantically try to rein them back in. This is the reverse of a healthy pattern of parenting. <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b>A healthy pattern of parenting<\/b> is to <b>be more involved when they&#8217;re younger <\/b>&amp; t<b>o gradually allow them to become more self-directe<\/b>d.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0Our role is to lead our kids to respond appropriately; ensuring we give our kids the skills to live life well; <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">setting them up to succeed<\/span>!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b>The decisions a young woman makes while in the back seat of a car when she&#8217;s 16 or 17 are often forged by nonsexually related decisions she made when she was 8 or 9.<\/b><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Building a Track Record <\/b><\/span>with your kids spells success.<\/h1>\n<p><b>Certain SKILLS should be in place <span style=\"color: red;\">by Grade 5<\/span> to help your kids achieve social success: &#8211;<\/b>knowing the routine, learning to wait, following thru, developing foresight, managing time, gaining mastery over feelings, &amp; respecting authority.<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Knowing the routine<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>1. Your child&#8217;s faithfulness in getting ready in the morning, meeting you after school at the designated spot for pick up, going to bed, &amp; getting chores done are all signs that your kid understands the process, order, &amp; flow of your family&#8217;s routine. Creating a stable, secure home life cultivates TRUST between you &amp; your child-a critical foundation when it comes to sharing vulnerably about sexuality. Do your best to foster <b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">clear expectations, clear responsibilities , &amp; assumed obedience; to help your kids learn that life has a certain order<\/span>! <\/b>Therefore, when u begin talking about deeper issues, your child will have <b>an innate understanding &amp; appreciation<\/b> for doing things the right way!<\/p>\n<p>2. <b> Benefits of a routine<\/b>. When we talk to our kids about their body, we&#8217;re asking them to look for order: they are kids, their bodies will mature, they will become adults, they will get married, they will become sexually active, they&#8217;ll have kids, etc. <b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">When they live in a world of external order, internal order makes more sens<\/span>e!<\/b><\/p>\n<p>3. Kids also need to learn to become comfortable with <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b>chaos &amp; uncertainty<\/b><\/span>. How they see you maintain peace &amp; equilibrium in chaos will speak volumes to them about how peaceful they can be n spite of the chaos going on in their bodies.<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Learning to Wait<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>1. The importance of <b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">delayed gratification<\/span>&#8211;<\/b>one day we will not be able to control our kids sexual behaviour, but for now, we can find ways to teach them how to wait for something they want very much.<\/p>\n<p>2. <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b> If you always give in to your kid&#8217;s demands<\/b><\/span>, if no pleasure is ever put off, they&#8217;ll enter adolescence &amp; the world of untold temptations with no learned ability to delay gratification.<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u00a0<b>Following Through<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">The importance of <\/span><b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">&#8216;reality discipline&#8217;<\/span>, <\/b>where you don&#8217;t nag, yell, or beg, but <b>simply allow your kids to face the consequences of their irresponsibility<\/b>. As adults it&#8217;s important for us to learn how to follow thru on our commitments also! A reality-discipline parent won&#8217;t nag, or may not even remind, but knows what needs to be done &amp; expectations get set accordingly.<\/p>\n<h1>\u00a0<span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Developing Foresight<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>1. Our children need to be taught to slow down &amp; consider the most likely <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b>consequences<\/b><\/span> to their actions. If a child avoids foresight &amp; doesn&#8217;t pull her end of the &#8216;bargain&#8217;, she may lose out on a cherished actvity. This sets them up to having foresight when it counts; to looking ahead &amp; considering consequences of their actions.<\/p>\n<p>2. It&#8217;s important to let them<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b> learn to face the sting of stupid choices<\/b><\/span>; failure &amp; its corresponding consequences are best tasted as an 8 y.o. who misses a birthday party, rather than as a 17 y.o. who is paralyzed because he was driving while drunk, or a 16 y.o who gets pregnant at a wild party.<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\">\u00a0<b>Managing Time<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">By Grade 5<\/span>, kids have to know that <b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">&#8216;the clock is the boss&#8217;<\/span>! <\/b>As parents, we can often make this skill difficult for our kids because we ourselves <b>model poor behaviour.<\/b>Eg. Failure to come to dinner on time, yields a missed place setting &amp; thus,no dinner!<\/p>\n<p>Appropriate time management<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"> helps <b>cultivate inner responsibility<\/b><\/span>!<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Gaining Mastery over Feelings.<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<h6><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>&#8216;Don&#8217;t wait for desire before deciding to do the right thing&#8217;!!!<\/b><\/span><\/h6>\n<p><i>1. <\/i>Kids need to learn to set aside how they feel about something in order to rationally choose what&#8217;s best; to learn to examine their feelings &amp; then <b><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">act out of wisdom rather than emotion.<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<p>2. It&#8217;s important to teach our kids that <b>feeling &#8216;in love&#8217;<\/b> shouldn&#8217;t lower their standards for the type of people they hang around with. If a person abuses drugs or acts cruelly toward others, he&#8217;s not a good choice for a boyfriend, no matter how they feel when with him.<\/p>\n<p>3. If kids can <b>learn to handle feelings early on<\/b>, they&#8217;ll be well prepared to stand firm when their feeling run wild at a party &amp; someone tries to coax them into a bedroom.<\/p>\n<h1><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><span style=\"color: #008000;\"><b>Respecting Authority<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n<p>At this stage<span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"> a healthy submission to authority<\/span> is important &amp; has great spiritual value, because ultimately you want your child to submit to their Heavenly Father. God is there when you can&#8217;t be, or when you&#8217;re blocked out of the picture. <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">A kid who hasn&#8217;t learned to respect his parents or teachers won&#8217;t respect God<\/span>. When a kids&#8217; self-compass points in the wrong direction, God &amp; a properly formed conscience needs to come to the fore! When they&#8217;re in their teens it&#8217;s often all either of you will have to rely on!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Info based on content from the BOOK: A Chicken&#8217;s Guide to Talking Turkey with your Kids about Sex\u00a0Chapter 3 (Leman\/Bell) Many parents get so busy during the years of puberty (8-14y.o. &amp; Upper Primary years), that they consequently pull back from involvement with their kids, only to discover that when they notice scary behaviour in &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=122\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Growing Self-Directed Kids<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":12,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/122"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=122"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/122\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":126,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/122\/revisions\/126"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=122"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}