{"id":131,"date":"2015-05-11T10:21:27","date_gmt":"2015-05-11T00:21:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=131"},"modified":"2015-05-11T10:21:27","modified_gmt":"2015-05-11T00:21:27","slug":"peer-pressure-panic","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=131","title":{"rendered":"Peer Pressure Panic"},"content":{"rendered":"<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>Understanding &amp; Confronting the Roots of Peer Pressure<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<p><b>Information based on content from the <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">BOOK<\/span>: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline; color: rgb(0, 0, 255);\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">A Chicken&#8217;s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your kids about Sex<\/span> <\/span>(Leman\/Bell)<\/b><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Parents can exert a far greater influence-for good or for ill-if they&#8217;ll <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">become more involved<\/span>. YOU, the parent, are the greatest influence in your kid&#8217;s life!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>What matters most is the model you give your child, especially during their most vulnerable times of the day- waking, struggling thru homework, getting ready for school, or relaxing at the end of the day. <b>Puberty<a class=\"klfskdabono\" title=\"Click to Continue &gt; by PriceMinus\" href=\"#\"> education<\/a>\u00a0has <i>everything<\/i> to do with sex, &amp; it has <i>nothing<\/i> to do with sex.<\/b> It&#8217;s what you say about sex &amp; the physical affection you model to your spouse, but it&#8217;s also about the <b>home life<\/b> you have in general. <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">It&#8217;s what transpires during the day<\/span>. It&#8217;s what u say when you get up, when you greet each other, or when you care for someone who&#8217;s sick\/hurt.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>God uses the very aspects that seem t<b>he most mundane<\/b> to shape our lives &amp; the lives of our kids. When it comes to sexuality &amp; expressing what it means to be a man or a woman, your <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><b>kids are going to draw from what they know best: mum &amp; dad.<\/b><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0<b>Your marriage relationship<\/b> forms your kid&#8217;s sexuality more than anything else; <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">you demonstrate to your kids how they should live in the most private parts of life.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>REALITY CHECK<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0Consider &#8216;real life&#8217; versus the messages from Reality TV, media,etc.,which pushes kids to grow up too fast, &amp; to develop unrealistic concepts about life.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>The interesting dilemma &amp; the power behind most peer influence is the fact that your boy or girl wants desperately to be anyone except who he or she is. <b>Kids want to stand out in one way (being popular or noticed), but they want to blend in as well (not drawing embarrassing attention, not being picked on).<\/b> <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Our<a class=\"klfskdabono\" title=\"Click to Continue &gt; by PriceMinus\" href=\"#\"><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"> job<\/span><\/a>\u00a0as parents is to teach them how to become their own person<\/span> rather than to define themselves by their peers&#8217; reactions.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><b>&#8216;Be your own person&#8217; <\/b>can be a hard sell to a pubescent who wants to be like everyone else. As a parent, <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">the trick is to encourage your child to be one of a kind, a true original<\/span>, &amp; to let the child know she doesn&#8217;t have to go along with everyone else&#8217;s folly &amp; opinion!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Parents are as vulnerable to peer pressure as their children!<\/b> You&#8217;re often the ones allowing your kids to go along with the pack because YOU want to keep up appearances. Before you tackle peer pressure with your kids, make sure you&#8217;re aware of it in yourself!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>BE AWARE: YOUR KID <i>WILL<\/i> STRUGGLE WITH PEER PRESSURE!<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0BE prepared to <b>expect the struggle &amp; to parent the situation appropriately<\/b>; it will come; the feelings of wanting to be &#8216;like them&#8217;. <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">It&#8217;s normal; choose to handle it well. Choose to be a prepared &amp; informed parent ahead of time<\/span>. Know the parents &amp; the kids in your child&#8217;s world; keep doors of communication open between parent&#8217;s of your kids friends &amp; acquaintances, &amp; among their friends\/acquaintances.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Maintain<\/span> respect &amp; communication.<\/span> Ensure your &#8216;no&#8217; is &#8216;no, &amp; your &#8216;yes&#8217; is &#8216;yes&#8217;, but leave room for them to be able to &#8216;convince&#8217; you of something that&#8217;s important to them, while maintaining boundaries of respect &amp; your right as the parent to maintain your position of &#8216;yes&#8217; or &#8216;no&#8217; where &amp; when required. Be aware of resistance to authority in rolling of the eyes, shrugging of shoulders, etc. <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Be prepared to walk away or finish the appeal when the manipulation starts<\/span>. Take caution in bargaining with your kids on something you&#8217;ve already made perfectly clear. In one sense, this is <b>a reverse form of peer pressure; the kids are influencing the parents!<\/b> In such a case, the adults are allowing the pubescent to determine what is appropriate &amp; right.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0A good MEASURE is to <b>look at your kid&#8217;s demeanor now<\/b> &amp; multiply that by a few more years &amp; a lot of attitude, &amp; you&#8217;ll have a pretty good indication\/picture of what life will be like when you&#8217;re parenting an adolescent.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Work on setting boundaries &amp; fostering respect while the issues are still manageable<\/span>; during the puberty years (9-12y.o), while we still have our kids ears! These boundaries must extend not only to what our kids wear but also to what they watch &amp; listen to. <strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">The best training ground is within the 8-12y.o. window!\u00a0<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>MEDIA MANIA<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><b>Involved parents will take the time to experience media WITH their children<\/b><\/span>; it&#8217;s simply <b>irresponsible<\/b> to abandon your kids to the TV or radio, etc, without paying attention to what&#8217;s going into their brains, or further, how their processing it &amp; transferring that image\/understanding into their own lives\/relationships, etc. Just as impacting &amp; damaging as gratuitous sex &amp; violence, are <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">the false notions of love &amp; romance<\/span> that so many so-called &#8216;reality&#8217; shows promote.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A study by The Kaiser Family Foundation found that &#8216;<b>68% of all TV shows include sexual content <\/b>(up form 56% in the late 90&#8217;s). The shows airing in <b>prime time <\/b>are even more likely to include sexual content. For example shows like Neighbours, &amp;, Home &amp; Away, that promote teen relationships as the &#8216;norm&#8217;.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>To talk openly with your pubescent, you will need to <b>familiarize yourself <\/b>with what your teens gets exposed to daily; know the magazines they&#8217;re reading, the radio they listen to, the movies they watch, the books they read; know what you&#8217;re up against. Beware of movie ratings also!\u00a0\u00a0Much of your influence will be determined on the <b>track record<\/b> you&#8217;ve built with your kids to-date! But, it&#8217;s never to late to build!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Enable your kids to <b>take responsibility for themselves<\/b><\/span>, in the things they watch, listen to, give their attention to, esp. in your absence!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>PUPPY-LOVE PRESSURE<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li>Puppy Love is the first feeling that you &#8216;like&#8217; someone &amp; that someone &#8216;likes&#8217; you- someone other than mum &amp; dad &amp; family. <b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">A kid who is deeply loved by his parents<\/span> probably isn&#8217;t going to stumble, because of the sea of love &amp; support that surrounds him!<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Be aware of &#8216;puppy-love&#8217; &amp; it&#8217;s reality, but <b>be careful not to ascribe adolescent thinking to a pubescent&#8217;s feeling<\/b>. Puppy-Love is a natural part of maturation, because puberty brings kids a growing awareness of the opposite sex. Adults may ask questions such as <b>&#8216;do u have a boyfriend of a girlfriend?&#8217;<\/b> <strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">but this is not recommended<\/span><\/strong> as it encourages the whole process of waking up a child&#8217;s body &amp; interest before it&#8217;s safe; their bodies will take care of that all on their own, &amp; the questions can be answered in time.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Take the process of Puppu-Love pressure in your stride. <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><b>Don&#8217;t overreact!<\/b> <\/span><b>Enjoy &amp; embrace the teachable moments<\/b> it unveils. For example, find out what &#8216;going together&#8217; means to your child if it comes up, <b>rather than jumping to conclusions or being on the defensive.<\/b> Encourage the friendship &amp; liking everyone. <b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Be careful not to judge others<\/span> based on your family\/belief preferences!<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>You can <b>ease the pressure<\/b> related to Puppy-Love by guiding your child to healthy, encouraging, safe relationships &amp; settings.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\">\u00a0<b>FRIENDS<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0Be aware of the importance of making the often necessary, &amp; usually inconvenient, trip to cater for your child&#8217;s &#8216;play-date&#8217; request at times. By way of your actions your <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">putting a premium on your child, &amp; her friendships<\/span>: you&#8217;re letting her know you care about her, &amp; her friendships.<span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"> But, maintain balance!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Your house is a home not a hotel!<\/span> <b>Make your home a centre for your kids&#8217; activities<\/b>. Ensure they prefer being at home with their friends, because you accommodate their friends!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Instill in your kids <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><b>the reality of friendships<\/b><\/span>; many people may claim to be your friend, but only a few are really going to stick by you!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>SEIZE THE DAY, NOT THE REINS<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0<b>&#8216;Hover&#8217; parents tend to over-control &amp; over-parent their kids.<\/b> They tend to act more as <b>dictators<\/b>. If you tend to hover over your child &amp; become an <b>authoritarian parent <\/b>who makes all the decisions for your child you may be setting the stage for serious <b>rebellion<\/b>. <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">A pubescent <b>needs room to grow<\/b>; an adolescent needs even more!<\/span> Let the reins loose slowly while you have some influence, rather than being faced with the adolescent who forces the boundaries &amp; makes radical mistakes accordingly. The art of parenting is a subtle one: you must <b>gradually, in the right proportion, loosen your hold on the reins &amp; let your child begin to run! <\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">Develop age-appropriate <\/span><b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">BOUNDARIES!<\/span> <\/b>For example.<b> <\/b>They can choose their activities, but you limit the amount of time they&#8217;re away; they can choose their clothing, but you can veto inappropriate outfits; they can listen to certain music, but you can veto anything based on its lyrics. <strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Boundaries are healthy; but narrow, straight lines without any turns are unhealthy.<\/span> <\/strong>Set boundaries that require both parental guidance &amp; the personal freedom to exercise some responsibility.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">\u00a0<b>BOOK<\/b><\/span> : <span style=\"text-decoration: underline; color: rgb(0, 0, 255);\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><b>Boundaries with Kids<\/b>: When to say yes, when to say no to help your children gain control of their lives.<\/span><\/span> Cloud &amp; Townsend) -available at Koorong<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><b>Authoratative<\/b> <b>v&#8217;s authoritarian. <\/b>One who stays in healthy authority over one who bellows out demands. <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">God has placed u as a parent, in healthy authority over your children<\/span>. Ephesians 6 begins, <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><strong>&#8216;Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right&#8217;.<\/strong><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><b>The pressure boiling inside your pubescent comes down to this: <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">he wants to grow but doesn&#8217;t know the way yet: he still needs your guidance!<\/span><\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h1><span style=\"color: rgb(0, 128, 0);\"><b>POSITIVE PEER PRESSURE: The Family<\/b><\/span><\/h1>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: monospace, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6;\"><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">It has been proved that pubescent kids will violate their own consciences to gain acceptance into a peer group.<\/span> However, a kid usually only does this when he doesn&#8217;t feel like he belongs anywhere else. Therefore, it is considered that <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><strong>t<\/strong><\/span><\/span><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><strong>he best defense against peer pressure is family belonging<\/strong><\/span><span style=\"font-family: monospace, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6;\">. Healthy kids want to fit into healthy families. <\/span><b style=\"font-family: monospace, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6;\">They love their family &amp; feel more concerned about doing something that would upset that bond than they are about fitting in with a group at school.<\/b><span style=\"font-family: monospace, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 1.6;\"> They find their identity at home above all else!They desire to please you!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0<span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">lf u want a responsible child at 16,<\/span> you have to begin granting him responsibility &amp; choices &amp; building in accountability at ages 6,7,8. <b>You need to <\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\"><strong>identify areas of disrespect &amp; negative attitudes NOW,<\/strong><\/span><b> &amp; rein them in now, so that u can safely let out the reins as they grow &amp; mature, to ensure you have done all u can <span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">to create a healthy pathway to adolescence!<\/span><\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>You can also create a sense of belonging by spending time not just with immediate family, but also with <b>extended family; grandparents, cousins, close friends, adopted family, church family. <\/b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">To find a sense of belonging<\/span> with people who value your pubescent child for something besides how &#8216;sexy&#8217; or popular or talented they are; those who value them for who they are; those who can let them know, &#8216;it&#8217;s good to be you,&#8230;just as you are!!!&#8217;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><strong><span style=\"color: #ff0000;\">Seek out those who encourage your child to be &#8220;the best version of themselves&#8217;!!!<\/span><\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>\u00a0Let&#8217;s choose to not curse the darkness &amp; the negative pressures around our kids, but instead, to <span style=\"color: #ff0000;\"><b>light a candle in the darkness <\/b>&amp; to create a sense of belonging <b>at home!<\/b>\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><b><span style=\"color: rgb(255, 0, 0);\">BOOK<\/span>: <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;\">All in Night: <\/span><\/span><\/b><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><span style=\"color: #0000ff; text-decoration: underline;\">A simple family ritual which helps parents to proactively teach &amp; learn with their children about the things that matter.<\/span> <\/span>(L. Burgess)<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Understanding &amp; Confronting the Roots of Peer Pressure Information based on content from the BOOK: A Chicken&#8217;s Guide to Talking Turkey with Your kids about Sex (Leman\/Bell) Parents can exert a far greater influence-for good or for ill-if they&#8217;ll become more involved. YOU, the parent, are the greatest influence in your kid&#8217;s life! What matters &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/?page_id=131\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading <span class=\"screen-reader-text\">Peer Pressure Panic<\/span> <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":12,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/131"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=131"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/131\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":132,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/131\/revisions\/132"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/parentequip.info\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=131"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}