Creating a Home Environment that will grow Sexually Healthy Kids

Info based on content from the BOOK: A Chicken’s Guide to Talking Turkey with your Kids about Sex(Leman/Bell Ch 3)

•  Sex ed begins on the change table; thru all the things you’ve said about bodily functions (runny noses, bowel movements, passing gas your own period) you’ve been teaching them how to think about their bodies. They’ve been watching u very closely; they’ve been studying u!
• Dads instruct their kids in sex ed by how they treat their wives, & how they view women
• Mums communicate volumes by how whey treat their husband
• consider areas in your home where unhealthy patterns of relating take place. Consider these areas in view of how important teaching by example is to your kids.

 MAKING TIME FOR YOUR MASTERPIECE

Trust & bonding take time. Disciplines we can apply ourselves, as parents:-

•  Don’t pack your calendar

Get rid of anything that takes you away from time you need to be with your family. The years of puberty are critical; once your kids reach a certain age, you’re done. Don’t retreat too early, while they still need you. (PUBERTY-8-14 y.o.)

Family intimacy gets built around non-essential time

•  Open or closed?

Foster transparency. Pay attention to your child’s issues & model behaviour thru your own life.

•  Taking your kids on dates

When you make your kids the centre of attention for a set period, it sends their esteem thru the roof. One on one time gives kids permission to voice their honest reactions in a relaxed environment. It also empowers the parent to comment on issues so they can be worked thru together.

•  Take advantage of precious evenings & mornings

The best time to parent is often in the evening an hour before sleep time, when kids are most receptive & unguarded. Consider giving each child half an hour of your time!?!?

•  Simplify

Activities are not always intrinsically good; beware of using your child’s activities to define your own identity. Overdosing on activities can dilute the parent-child bond; doing too much can shift the focus of the family to the kids, rather than from the more healthy perspective, being a focus on the parents. A recommendation is one activity per child, per Term.(some families do 1 sport, 1 music per Term)

Consider slowing down enough to listen to your kid’s hearts, not their words.

•  Listen to their hearts, not just their words

no matter what kids say, they really do want you to stay involved in their lives, in appropriate ways that don’t embarrasss them. They desire your approval & affirmation. They want your attention & guidance.

As their parent, you ultimately know what’s best for them. You need to admit, ‘Hey, I am the parent here. I am going to come alongside my son or daughter. I am not going to run her over, but I’m going to be involved in her life’.

•  Sons need mums, Daughters need dads; the importance of cross-gender connection

It is common to act opposite to this, but it is recommended that dads talk to their girls about how men view women, in both positive & negative ways (honestly!), and mums, talk about how women view men, & how women want to be treated.

 During early puberty (8-14), when dads affirm their girls, they are really affirming their femininity. It’s better they get the attention they require from dad, than from other boys/men! See the resource section for a must read for dads titled What a Daughter Needs from Her Dad: How a man prepares his daughter for life. (Michael Farris). Consider encouraging dad to take his daughter/s out on dates regularly. Starting from as young as 3-4 years old is beneficial & the best case scenario. Dads will see their daughter/s come alive & blossom naturally in their tender love & care, & with their undivided attention, no matter how small the dose. An ice-cream outing can be considered a date. A trip to the local store, ‘just dad & his girl’, can be considered a date. It doesn’t have to cost much or involve a lot of time. Setting the stage for your daughter to open her heart to her dad during the often turbulent teen years ahead is the purpose of establishing regular one on one time. Better to be dad than a random boy!!!