Targeting the Tween Years

Targeting the TWEEN years (8-12y.o.)

Why Waiting until the TEEN years to step in can be too late!

Information based on content from the BOOK: Six Ways to Keep the ‘Little’ in your Girl (Dannah Gresh)

  • the foundation of building an emotionally healthy teen- one who stands free of the norms of an at-risk peer culture- is built between the ages of 8-12, the tween years!!!
  • be aware of allowing the culture to speak too loudly while you, the parent remain mute, or too busy, planning to deal with these uncomfortable issues ‘later’. In the mean time, your son/daughter will be pressured to skip being a ‘little’ boy/girl & act like a teenager.
  • Tweens who are exposed to a basic, age-appropriate, Bible-based value system (partnering with Christian education system) between the ages of 8-12 tend to be less likely to engage in early sexual activity, substance abuse. They’re also more likely to have healthy friendships, excel academically, & become positive contributors in their communities. In light of this information consider the role of values training during the Primary school years???
  • the effects of advertising & media role models play a strong role leading to the emotional trauma associated with childhood obesity, eating disorders & depression in children. Consider staking a claim in your daughter so she can grow up to be a strong, whole, pure, healthy teen versus the teens who are branded by the advertising world & destined to early sexualization, eating disorders, & depression
  • Dannah Gresh states that ‘a mum has to start opening up to her 16 year old’s heart when she’s 7. Statistical footprints show how a young girl will turn out based on what she’s exposed to & when’.

STAT: our daughters have only a 50:50 chance of making it to age 16 without experiencing sexual sin, eating disorders, or significant depression.

NOTE: The same applies to boys but the issues are different & are discussed in more detail in the section Keys for Your Son. It’s worth noting girls mature faster than boys & so the ‘issues’ are often worth targeting sooner than boys!!!

3 Stages of moral development

1. The Copycat Phase (2-5 y.o) Introduces your values to your child thru 'consequential' copying.

2. The Counselling Phase (6-11 y.o.) The most critical phase for value formation 

 During this interactive WHY phase your child will be measuring WHY you believe what you believe & WHY you do what you do. Your child is beginning to monitor her own conduct based on what she thinks; if it makes sense to her she'll do it! In this phase your child is deciding what she believes; she is choosing her values. 

3. The Coaching Phase (12 to adult) Adjusting beliefs; your child will be evaluating & adjusting her already formed value system by living it out.

How does connecting form values in your daughter???

  • The most critical phase is during the Couselling Phase (6-11y.o) when her values are formed, not when she’s a teenager!
  • If you wait til she’s 12 to tell her about her PERIOD, you’ll have missed the beauty of telling her the God created women to create life, & that’s WHY we value motherhood!
  • If you wait until she’s 13 to tell her about MODESTY, you’ll have missed the beauty of telling her WHY her body is good & beautiful & worthy of protecting!
  • If you wait until she’s 14 to tell her about SEX, you’ll have missed the beauty of telling her WHY God created marriage to be a one man-one woman picture of His love for us!
  • It’s not that you won’t be able to try to form values after she’s 13, but that the world will have already issued a strong answer to the “why’s” in her heart if you haven’t met them in the formative years. Restructuring her value system is a lot more difficult than building it from the ground up!
  • It takes a lot of time to answer the “WHY’s”, but it’s so important to invest the time.
  • Parents who refuse to take the time to talk often end up on one of two ends of a spectrum-either
  • creating a legalistic environment– where children never knowing WHY a rule is a rule tend to grow up not internalizing the values of their parents & tend to live however they want when the parent’s not looking. OR
  • creating an anything-goes environment-where parents are their kids buddies & discipline to live out the values you introduce to them is generally lacking.
  • It’s important to be a mum who sets rules & uses her relationship with her daughter to help her understand WHY the rules are what they are. This happens between the ages of 8-12, when she’s actually asking the questions & looking to you for answers!
  • The question for now is not ‘should I???’, but rather ‘HOW do I???’ talk to her about boys, & sex, & periods, & other scary stuff!!!

 Information from CHOICEZ MEDIA

Web address: www.choicez.com.au

Jonathan and Karen Doyle. Australian based organisation

Article from Profile Magazine

  • “Fighting back… The role of the parents.
  • Parents play a significant role in their child’s decision to have sex or not. Parent involvement, supervision, attitudes and the quality of their own relationship are important factors in teens deterring sexual activity.
  • An important part of Values Based Sex Education (VBSE) is putting power back in the hands of the parents. For too long parents have been at the mercy of departmental or school-based curriculums that have not given primacy of place to parents in the sexual education of their own children. VBSE aims to train, equip and empower parents to realise the God-given mandate they have to be the gatekeeper and guardian of the messages and training their family receives.”
  • Sex education is about much more than just the mechanics and biology of how babies are made. From an early age children need to be taught the sacredness of the human body and fertility within the context of marriage and committed love. As they develop, it is critical that parents are involved in their lives and are available to answer questions and provide guidance.
  • VBSE is rapidly emerging as a powerful way forward for parents, educators and young people. VBSE places a central emphasis on the incredible value and dignity of each human person and the gift of sexuality. VBSE is about developing life skills in children and teens that will assist them navigate the critical years of their development.”
  • “You have the power to do something remarkable and something that our world desperately needs: raise a young person who is capable of loving and being loved.”  
  • TIPS FOR PARENTS
  • Don’t wait to have THE talk. Take advantage of each teachable moment that presents itself and talk about these issues on a regular basis.
  • Always use age-appropriate information.
  • Answer questions openly and honestly.
  • Remember that the greatest lessons in life are the ones we observe.
  • Discuss your child’s goals and dreams and behaviours that will hinder these.
  • Talk about your values and why they are important.
  • Use your own experiences.
  • Have resources on hand.
  • Present sexuality within the context of God’s plan and as an incredible gift.
  • Inform yourself about the sex education that is taking place in your child’s school and do not be afraid to speak up if you are not happy with it.
  • NOTE: be prepared to apply GRACE at all stages, esp. for the child who doesn’t readily embrace moral values. There is always grace available for the day at hand. God promises ‘His grace is sufficient’ for us; this applies to parenting also!

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