The Virtual Reality of Pornography
PORN: A VIRTUAL REALITY where too much is at stake to live with an attitude of ‘ignorance is bliss’!
Information based on content from the BOOK 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son (Vicki Courtney). Chapter 7.
The truth is ‘It’s not a matter of IF, but WHEN!!!
STATISTIC: The largest group of Internet pornography consumers are between the ages of 12-17. Most kids who watch porn on the computer weren’t searching for it the first time they found it.
REALITY CHECK!
STATISTIC: 1985: 92% of adult males had a Playboy magazine by age 15. TODAY: Nearly 50% of boys between Grades 3-8 have visited Internet sites with adult content. 75% if 18-24y.o.(late adolescent males) visit online porn sites monthly, representing 25% of visitors to all Internet porn sites. The next largest users of porn are men in their 20’s to early 30’s, 60% of whom report being regular users of porn.
BATTLE PLAN
Our battle plan must go beyond activating parental controls & telling our sons not to look when they see it. We need to take it a step further & teach our sons to monitor their hearts. The Bible encourages us to “Above ALL else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life”. (Proverbs 4:23) Our sons are not likely to embrace the importance of monitoring their hearts in the moment until they make the connection between viewing porn & a diminished quality of life.
3 DANGERS
that should be discussed over & over again until the highlighted dangers are etched into out kids minds. That way, WHEN they are faced with the temptation, they are fully informed about the trade-off involved.
WHEN to
1. Viewing porn affects the wiring of your brain.
There is a physical dynamic that occurs in the brain when porn is viewed. ‘Repeated exposure to pornography creates a one-way neurological superhighway where a man’s mental life is over-sexualized & narrowed’. (Wired for Intimacy W.M. Struthers).
Our boys need to know that porn is much more than a simple assault to their eyes. It affects the wiring of their brain. Each viewing session brings about a dose of the ‘feel good’ or ‘reward’ hormone, dopamine to the brain, which leaves the viewer, much like an addict, craving more.
‘Sex is the most primitive, powerful, physiological force on the planet- it’s wired into our DNA. We all have the potential to become addicted to it’. (D.Greenfield, director of The Centre for Internet Behaviour & author of Virtual Addiction).
Changed for a lifetime. Once the one-way neurological pathway has been created, it becomes the pathway by which interaction with women is routed & ‘all women become potential porn stars in the minds of these males. They unknowingly have created a neurological circuit that imprisons their ability to see women rightly- as being created in God’s image’; women who are worthy of respect & honour & to be treasured as such.
Our sons are growing up in a culture where they can easily receive the lie that porn is harmless fun. It’s our job to discose FULLY to them what is at stake when they make the choice to view porn. We need them to understand that every time they practice self-control by not looking in a tempting situation, they are reinforcing a new & better neural pathway in their brain; in the process they will be setting themselves up for success in the relationships their adult lives will bring, as husband, fathers, friend.
The basic message is ‘son, you just don’t want to mess with the wiring of your brain’!!! It’s never too late to reverse the damage. You can share by saying ‘If by chance, you feel a pathway has already been set, please share with me or your dad, so we can help you begin to help you reverse the damage.’
2. Viewing porn can affect you future sex life & marriage.
Let’s be proactive in safe-guarding our kids from the following terms being a part of their adult married relationships. Terms like ‘compulsive masturbation’, ‘masturbation in inappropriate places’, ‘pornography-dependent’ &, ‘could not achieve an erection without the assistance of pornography’ have the potential to mark regular users of pornography. Basically, if our sons want to have amazingly good sex lives (& amazingly satisfied wives) they would be wise to resist the temptation to view porn. Of course not every boy who views porn will become porn-dependent, but taking the gamble can certainly be a detrimental pathway to take.
Porn diminishes sexual fulfillment in men to the point where they require & chase bigger prizes as time goes by-more degrading, more explicit, more graphic…in being subject to porn, a male is not exercising self-restraint or SELF-CONTROL (see Values4Life Topic on The Secret to a Boy’s Strength). If he’s unable to gain self-control in one area of his life, he’ll lack it in other areas as well.
3. Viewing porn can rob you of future happiness.
While the ‘lack of,’ is possible, with a lot of will-power & human strength, & often at a cost to our health & general well-being over time, a bold statement to consider is that ‘a truly abundant life only comes by following Christ & obeying His commands’, as we acknowledge John 10:10, ‘The thief comes only to steal & kill & destroy, (Jesus has come) that (we) may have life & life to the full’. I think pornography can easily be considered to be in the ‘steal, kill and destroy’ category. As stated in another bold statement in Chapter 6, self-control ‘is arguably a godly discipline that is mastered only by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit’. These statements give credibility to being ‘born again’ as a necessary stepping stone in establishing healthy self-control.
Our approach to our boys could be put in the context of ‘of course this interests you. This is exactly how you are designed. Don’t be ashamed to find beautiful women sexually exciting & enticing, & the people making this information available know that.But, these images aaren’t good enough for you. That good desire you have will meet its greatest satisfaction & fulfillment with a real woman, when sex & relationship in marriage go together’. Understand that it’s normal for our boys to be drawn to pornography. However that doesn’t give them an excuse to cave into the temptation. It’s up to parents to help their sons understand why resisting the temptation is in their best interests both now & in the long-term.
INTRODUCING THE TOPIC. An example
‘Hey, buddy. I wanty to talk to you about something. As you get older & you spend more time on the computer or at friends’ houses, you will probably see some stuff that God doesn’t want you to see. Like maybe pictures of girls not wearing clothes or even two people having sex. (you might get an ‘Ohhh, gross!’ comment here:-) Yeah, I know, but someday you may not think it’s so ‘gross’. Anyway, I just want you to know that it’s important not to look if you come across something that you know God wouldn’t want you to look at. And please come tell me or your dad about it, if it happens. You won’t be in trouble because we want you to talk to us about stuff like that. As you get older, a whole of you friends are going to be looking at bad stuff and may try to get you to look at bad stuff with them. Let’s think of what you might say when that happens, OK?’*
NOTE: addressing the general topic of God’s Design for Sex is a good first base. Check out the Resource section for more info.
MASTURBATION is oftentimes a by-product of pornography, the same principles that apply to porn can also be applied to masturbation. Porn acts as a stimulant to achieve a desired ‘buzz’ (orgasm usually through masturbation). Once our boys understand how habits can form neural pathways that put them at risk of locking their brains into certain destructive behaviour patterns, they will be better equipped to make fully informed choices when it comes to masturbation. The same 3 dangers presented above relating to porn can apply to boys who become masturbation-dependent.
Go to VickiCourtney.com View the 5 Conversations blog for her husband’s list of activities & books/training materials recommended to reinforce the conversation regarding pornography with your son. You can also add your own ideas to the list.
View Jonathon Doyle from Choicez Media on his site www.stopusing pornography.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HM8C4y6x8BE&feature=BFa&list=UUSKMB7WY40LISBBrY_SGGAQ
The Dark Side of Technology (Brad Huddleston) Lecture held in high regard. Held at S.C.C. August 2012
http://www.bradhuddleston.com/order/the-dark-side-of-technology-book/
You may not want to know the secret, darker side of your computer, smart-phone, or video game, but you need to know. Like it or not, we are becoming more deeply dependent on technology. We enjoy its benefits. But what about the other side? The dark side.
Ultimately, the problem is not technology. The problem is darkness. Computers and phones do not cyberbully, consume porngraphy, send 500 text messages a day or commit online adultery. People do. And people who don’t understand the risks are falling everyday.
In The Dark Side of Technology: Restoring Balance in the Digital Age, Brad Huddleston exposes the truth about tech, teaching you how it works, why it works, and how to apply the wisdom to keep your family safe and sound, and in the Light. This is an honest, straightforward Biblical approach that gives you the tools you need today to use technology, so it doesn’t use you.