A Lifelong Approach to Shaping Your Child’s Sexual Character (by Stan & Brenna Jones)

THE BIG PICTURE: Preparing Healthy, Godly Adults

Exploring the negatives of the ‘abstain from sex’ approach. 

Parents attempt to convince their kids not to have sex in an effort to protect them from the ravages that illicit and irresponsible sex can cause. Rightly so. However, this goal is too small, too limited, too narrow. Protecting our children from physical, emotional, & spiritual damage that can result from irresponsible & inappropriate sexual choices is important.However, our most important goal is to equip & empower our children to enter adulthood capable of living godly, wholesome, & fulfilled lives as men & women, husbands & wives.Our goal is to prepare our kids to become adults who can have deep & meaningful marriages filled with spiritual, sexual, & emotional intimacy, & who can have loving & deep family relationships & friendships.Sex as God intended is the giving over of the astonishing gift of our very selves to another in marital union.

What is sex education by God’s Design?

True sex education is about preparing our kids for giving the gift of their sexuality & who they are rightly, preparing them to be able to love & trust & believe enough to commit their whole selves & their whole futures to their spouses. When we provide this information correctly we are also protecting them & setting them up for success.

Who should be the Primary Sex Educator for your children?

Parents are capable of being effective sex educators; they just need some advice, encouragement, information, & help to get there. Parents rightly want help from help from their schools and church groups, but we cannot abdicate such an important task to these organizations. The primary responsibility belongs to parents. 

No one will have influence on your children like you do. If you avoid dealing with this topic, your influence will be confusing, frustrating, unsure, & unclear. If you take it on directly, you have the opportunity to have a powerful, clear, healthy, & positive influence on your child. Sex education is about much more than ‘sex-proofing’ children through the teenage years. It is about preparing them to handle God’s gift of sexuality rightly thorughout life, preparing them to experience the fullness of God’s blessing as they date, get engaged, marry, & have children themselves.

Unfortunately we naturally think of sex education in terms of ‘The Talk’ ; a single, dramatic sex talk with the early teen. A talk that often requires a university degree in biology & physiology, & usually leaves the teen confused at the complicated terminology presented. The truth is that one talk cannot possibly & effectively counteract all of the distructive messages they receive & have received during the ages of 8-12 years where their values have been already formed.

Research proves that ‘your child’s future sexual choices will be affected by the overall quality of your relationship with him or her‘. We are in fact, the shapers of our child’s sexual character.

The most effective parenting style in positively influencing a child’s sexual character is the authoritative parent. A parent who offers both high expectations & lavish love & support ot their children. These parents have things they want to teach their children, but they combine an emphasis on discipline with warmth, communication, respect, & affection. This style of parenting is seen to produce the healthiest kids. Research suggests that children with this type of parent tend to have the highest self-esteem, self-reliance, & social competence. They also tend to perform better in school, having a strong motivation to succeed. (see the Practical Parenting TOPICS for further information on Parenting Styles).